Stop Screaming Assholes

"What's your favorite scary movie?" That is a tough question. There's different scary right? You have your slasher movies, your thriller movies, your Grindhouse movies. Shit, too many different types. I wish this jerkoff would call me. I'd talk him to the point of committing suicide, thereby stopping the slasher wheels from going in motion. Horror movies need me involved, they would be a lot shorter but way less interesting. So, maybe they don't need me. Fuck them, they need me.

Anyway, If I were to just review the opening of this movie, seven stars out of four. Awesome. They completely make fun of the slasher franchise idea. Start the movies the same, stupid people getting stabbed repeatedly. Every horror franchise starts out the same and this movie is no different. And because it's the Scream franchise, the opening makes fun of all the fake openings from the movies within the movie. What? Yeah. Awesome.

Cut to the rest of the movie. I have to keep one star in there for the gore and violent murders because they are awesome. Any movie that murders Anthony Anderson by driving a knife into his forehead gets at least one star(Special thanks to The Departed for blowing Anderson's brains out near the end. ***SPOILER ALERT***[yes I know I placed it after the spoiler, too bad.])

Anyway, yes, one star for gore and violence. But nothing else. Shit story, shit plot and a homeless man covered in shit and vomit of a reveal of the killers. Come on, you guys are WAY better than that. By the time the reveal happened, I highfived myself becuse A: I'm awesome and B: that meant the movie was over. No, of course not! The movie kept going.

On one hand, I get it. Craven and Co. were trying to create the "reboot/franchise" satire that hadn't really been done yet. Because of this, they forced themselves to make a shitty movie because on the whole, reboots and remakes can be decent but are never as strong as the original.

As a standalone horror movie, I got my gore/violence rocks off and enjoyed some groovy kills. Some laughs popped up here and there so overall, not bad. For a Scream movie? You guys should be ashamed of yourselves. Word is they were going to do five and six if four did well. It appears four shit the bed. Oh well. See it for fun when it's on the networks that can show a knife driven into Anderson's head.