Drive Angry: Shot In 3D

"What's he gonna' do? Not let me back in?"

Just one of the many gems spat out by Nicholas Cage in what should be the award ceremony sweeping film Drive Angry: Shot in 3D.

Look, there's no need to do a long post about how supremely fucking awesome this movie is. It speaks for itself. Nic Cage breaks out of hell to save his grand-daughter. William Fichtner rocks the shit right out of the toilet in his role as the Devil's assistant. Amber Heard plays Cage's ass-kicking sidekick chick that takes no crap from anyone(her white trash boyfriend-scripter Todd Farmer-knocks her around and ends up with a weapon in his eye). Even David Morse makes an appearance and ups the acting credibility a few notches.

Here's a list of things I remember and love so hard about this movie:

-Nic Cage getting ridden by a naked blonde chick while he's fully clothed, in sunglasses and sucking on a stogie. She asks why he is screwing with his clothes on and he says, "I never disrobe before gunplay" and proceeds to blow people away while having sex with her and in 3D. That means bullets and hatchets are coming at you in 3D. Why a hatchet? Why fucking not? It's 3D!! Are you fucking kidding me? No, I'm not. Well, good, I don't like to be kidded.

-Nic Cage awkwardly grabs a waitress and makes out with her. No dialogue, it's just total classic Cage owning the love interest from Eastbound and Down.

-Cage has his eye blown out by a sawed off shotgun. Seriously, eye blown out through the back of his head. I don't care who you are or if you have no sense of humor or anything, that's just fucking awesome. Oh, yeah and it doesn't kill him, it just pisses him off because he's Nic Cage.

Listen, if you're rolled up too tight, or an idiot that protests everything and are permanently attached to your soapbox, or went to film school, don't go see this. Drive Angry is for people who still know how to have fun.

Overall, awesome awesome awesome. And, even better, it's a 3D movie I'd gladly watch over and over as opposed to Avatar. I won't review that movie in this blog, but suffice it to say that I would rather have someone sand my fucking eyeballs for 24 hours straight then ever have to sit through that pile of garbage ever again.

"But Dan, it's beautiful 3D! It's amazing technology!"

I've taken shits on paper that have had better character development and story. I digress. Skip Av-retard and watch Nic Cage own everyone's ass in Drive Angry: Shot in 3D.