The Human Centipede

First off, let's get something out of the way. There are plenty of fucked up, sick and twisted horror movies out there. The fact that this one has garnered so much publicity and stirred up so much controversy is beyond me. I get it, the premise is supremely screwed up and twisted. So what? Do you really think three people surgically strung together is more fucked up than a human being eating other human beings? Oh yeah, and by the way? Silence of The Lambs is inspired by real people. Yeah, cannibalism is real. The Human Centipede is purely based on theory. Also, it's a hilariously maniacal premise. At the end of the day, it's so over the top, it's funny. So, get over yourselves and realize that it's no more fucked up than most other horror movie premises.

The movie follows a couple of American Girls in Germany, there to party it up. While en route, their car becomes incapacitated, obviously. They leave the car in the woods and end up at the mad doctor's house. He drugs them, kidnaps them and reveals his maniacal plan to create a human centipede. He performs the surgery and the human centipede is born, but not without some fights and nosy detectives.

I had the distinct opportunity to see this film with one of the actors giving an introduction and doing Q/A afterward. He was excited, positive and super proud of his performance, which he should be. Kudos to him, the guy rocked his part hard. Apparently, he thought it was a raunchy sex movie he signed up for. After the screening, he gave great answers and was friendly with everyone that approached him. It's hard to walk away disliking a movie after an experience like that.

The movie itself has maybe 2-3 minutes of gross centipede material. There was one scene in particular that almost turned my stomach. That's it though. The rest of the movie consists of setting up the two female characters, the doctor luring them in and capturing them, the doctor making the human centipede do mundane things like fetch the paper and then detectives catching on and the climax. If anything, I would describe the film as slow moving and a bit boring. From what I've read/heard, the second film is supposed to go much, much further. I hope so, because I think I'd rather watch old people walk up and down stairs than sit through this pace again.

Also, it's a lot funnier than you'd think. I was laughing quite a bit due to the flamboyant and crazy performance of Dieter Laser as the mad doctor. Talk about over the top. The guy overstated every little movement he made and punched every line of dialogue. At one point, he needs to break a window to get back into his house. He uses a rifle to do it and his body movements had me chuckling. I can only imagine how nutty the guy was on set.

In the end, the movie plays out as it should. We don't get hit with any crazy twists and it ends almost realistically. There's some gore and violence in the climax, but almost none of it has to do with the centipede. Also, the movie is, in an opposite sort of way, medically accurate. I say this because people complain that there's no way it's medically accurate. Hey, tightwad, maybe watch the movie before making a comment like that. It's people like you that annoy the hell out of me. It's like the groups that got upset with Tropic Thunder for the fake movie Simple Jack. Thunder was making fun of hollywood not retarded people you jackasses. Watch the movie and use your brain instead of jumping on a soapbox without looking.

I can't put my stamp of approval on this movie, but not because it's too graphic and disgusting. No, it's too slow moving and boring. Great horror premise, average execution, great performances from Dieter Laser and Akihiro Kitamura. Unfortunately, great performances aren't enough to save a boring, tame horror movie.